Reflections 2021 - the year of 'Hiraeth'

2021 was a strange year, different from a normal year, but also very different from 2020.
It was a year that started with fatigue. Fatigue from nine months of isolation, anxiety, hyper awareness and gloom.
Covid, US elections, climate disasters, uprising of the BLM movement - emotional exhaustion while navigating the cycles of hope and despair.
But we are eternally hopeful as a species.
In December 2020, we still tried to list our 2021 resolutions, looked back at the positives and lessons learnt, confident that the end of the pandemic will soon be in sight.
Vaccines and a new Presidential chapter were on the horizon, making us optimistic, a little relieved, along with some skepticism.

In general, we are able to separate the happenings in the larger world from our personal lives. The last two years have been an anomaly - the two worlds have crossed, and how! The global pandemic entered our bedrooms. It ruled every decision from last minute travel cancellations with regulations changing by the day to buying a piece of furniture impacted by the global supply chain logistics problems.

As a small example, we ordered a new dishwasher sometime in November 2020, the backlog was such that it didn't get delivered until January, this after compromising on the brand we actually wanted as that wouldn't be available till another month or so.

New terminology such as the ‘Great Resignation of 2021’ showed up on news channels, as droves of retail and hospitality works simply walked out of their jobs, out of sheer fatigue from being overworked, underpaid, and dealing with customer tantrums who refused to comply with covid regulations.

But we made attempts to get by, to learn the tricks of this trade, and feel heroic in our survival.

At a personal level, I made a career trajectory into product management in the telecom retail area. I expected this late-stage career switch to a new company and role would be a handful and then some, especially given the ageism in the tech world that often impacts 50+ people.
But I was pleasantly surprised! I gained a new team that I didn't meet in person until August, but one that I bonded with over discussing product enhancements, technical bottlenecks and release deadlines, while sharing personal stories over virtual coffee chats. Of course there were times that I felt desperate and stressed out, with the many nuances of managing a product with frequent upgrades and keeping up with the demands of a fully Agile framework. But at the end of a year, I felt that both accomplishing major work milestones, and building personal relationships with my new coworkers were definite wins!

Travel was back in the cards in 2021. The thought of navigating crowded airports and sitting in a packed flight with a few hundred co-passengers was still scary and needed some meticulous planning. After getting two Moderna doses, we were ready to accept the risk of flying. Armed with N95 masks and travel size sanitizers, we made the trip to Vermont to attend my nephew and his fiancé's beautiful warm, sunny, fall wedding and had a most wonderful time. I was able to spend almost ten uninterrupted days with my sister after what seemed like ages, and it was a time to reminisce and catch up, creating cherished memories for years to come.

In December, despite the new threat of Omicron, we didn't cancel our flight tickets and bookings, and ventured out to the American southwest. We enjoyed a few days of wide geo-diversity getting immersed in the dramatic red rock canyons at Sedona, badlands from the Triassic age at Petrified Forest national park, saguaro cactus standing tall in the desert landscape at Tonto National Forest. The blue mesa trail at Petrified Forest National Park is nothing short of a geological wonder, so is hiking through the red canyon walls of the Sedona trails such as Fay Canyon or Twin Buttes! We were back in the Southwest after a gap of almost ten years and definitely were hungry for the beauty of the red rock country under blue skies.

I have read a lot in 2021, surpassing my own expectations. Audible was my new friend, and I have traveled to new lands, old times and met new people, all thanks to the diversity of literature available in the Audible library. I often share thoughts on the books I read on my Goodreads and Facebook feed, and simply enjoy the conversation the reviews generate! While Indra Nooyi ´s autobiography - 'My Life in Full'- was not my most favorite book of 2021, that was the one that I got the most passionate feedback and thoughtful comments on! What was the book I most enjoyed? It is a toss between the futuristic 'Klara and the Sun' and the lyrical 'Where the Crawdads Sing', both will stay with me for a long time.

But the literature that really speaks to my heart is the one written in Bangla, my beautiful mother tongue. I reread some classics in Bangla this year such as Samresh Bosu's 'দেখি নাই ফিরে', Buddhadeb Guha's 'মাধুকরী', Bani Bosu's 'গান্ধর্বী'. The pleasure of sitting in the backyard, with my favorite Bangla novel and 'চা বিস্কুট' is unbeatable, and one that I devoted many weekend mornings to this summer. Just holding these books in my hands evoke a sensory overload of nostalgia, relatability and longing for all that I have lost in life.

This is the year that ´Hiraeth’ became real for me. Having lost my mother-in-law in May, both sets of parents are now gone. I feel untethered and rootless and the yearning to get back to a home and times that are lost are overwhelming. I often hear my inner self warn me that time is running out. I want to grab all that I have left behind and experience all of what is still left and waiting for me in my country. Waiting to see if 2022 gives me that opportunity.