Eventful

 

You are planning a big, milestone event for months.

You have invested a lot of time pouring over logistics, have had meetings with all the vendors, worked on multiple spreadsheets.

You have felt hopeful that you have taken care of all loopholes, you think you have the fallback options all figured out.

Relationships get mildly strained while working through the budget, the music, the menu- as you slowly lose sight of simple joys in the goal to achieve perfection in the event.

You have obsessed (mildly) over the possibility of things going wrong during the event - the makeup artist showing up late, catering service not handling the food line efficiently, the DJ's mike not working or weather ruining plans of the outdoor setup!

These are disaster scenarios you play over in your head and pray that none of this will happen at your event.

As the day gets close - with a couple of weeks to go, you start feeling confident as you have done your best. You feel happy, maybe even look forward to the event.

You feel grateful for all the support you have got from your friends and family in planning your perfect celebration. You feel loved.

But then it all snaps.

This was not a disaster scenario you had planned for. It blinds you like a sandstorm. It makes your core feel empty. You lose track of all the spreadsheets, all the to do lists organized by dates. It hurts you relentlessly, without a break. The mind-numbing anxiety makes you want to retreat in a shell and hibernate.

But you can't. You have to keep up the pretense. Of being joyful, of looking forward to celebrating the event. Pretense is exhausting, it drains every bit of energy out of you.